Why Applying For a Job is the Worst Thing Ever

So you're a slob.

Not just any slob, but an unemployed slob.

Broke-ness, slobbi-ness, and just all around denial has caught up to you and its time to do that horrid horrid thing.

Job search.

So the first step is getting off youtube. I know, I know.

 Well, now that thats over with, and you've gotten off your bed, you're already in a bad mood, so there goes the productive, good day you'd planned.

So now you have to get on the computer and look up some stores that you're relatively interested in.

But then you have to start the actual applying process, which is fine at first. I mean, its like writing an auto biography.

"Tell us how you're a wonderful  person."
"Well, alright! I'll start with the story of how I saved this kid from downing when I was ten....."

After a while though, if you can believe it, you just kind of...run out of good things to say about yourself.

 I think its a combination of impatience, and desperation.

 But then it starts to get really weird, and in your head, all the answers are starting to be, instead of "yes" or "No", stuff more like, "Yeah within reason," "Sometimes," "If its convenient," "why not" and, "Anything to make you happy."

"Are you eighteen?"
"Ehh, I probably look eighteen."

So this whole process takes about two hours.
And then, its like the angels have blessed you and you're finally done, and then a little window pops up and says, "There are no positions available at this time, try again later!"

Everything is wrong now! Before you had something, hope, inspiration, endurance, and now you have nothing! Especially not a job!

Anger slowly turns into denial, which turns to depression,

And long hours of self-examination and reflection.

"Thats it...I'm living in my parents basement the rest of my life. I'll eat rats and mold. It won't be so bad."

-Life of a teenager.
:)