Well today i went to the orthodontist, so you can imagine the kind of pain I'm in right now. OH WAIT. NO YOU CAN'T. So I go in and she takes off the power chain (the colorful thing that stretches all the way across,) and then she leaves me there for like half an hour, and it was really warm and comfortable there, laying down, so I may or may not have fallen asleep a few times.
Then she came back in a took out my wires and put in a wire that was significantly stronger, and she tried to push it into the depths of my jaw with a large medal tool.
And by "into the depths of my jaw" I mean into this tiny little hole on the last bracket on the last tooth. So the difference is the same. Just thought I'd specify.
It was like my tooth was being pushed in a way that it couldn't be pushed, similar to the way someone tries to push you into splits when you're no where near that flexible.
The nerves of that tooth were crying out to the innermost part of my being, where my soul got down on its knees and begged for the horrid pain to stop. But it just kept going.
And then the wire was in and the pain was gone, but if I touched the tooth at all, it was like being struck by lightning. Because yeah, I know what that's like.
So then she puts another power chain in, which is essentially a inch long piece of elastic with little holes in it that she stretches all the way across all of my teeth. It was like my teeth were being ground into each other. It was like someone had taken my teeth and sawed through them, glued them back together, then drilled through them and bolted them together, seven hundred times closer to each other than they had originally been.
I wasn't crying, and I don't know what my 'almost crying' symptoms are, but my eyes may have been tearing up. (good thing I'm not Lee Min Ho or any Korean, for that matter, or my waterline would have been redder than blood and thats a dead giveaway)
And then she tells me, "now I'm just going to put the rubberbands in."
"What?" says the only part of my brain left sane. "what was that you said?"
and then it happened. She attached the 1/8th of an inch rubberband to my back lower molars and my canines on the top.
Suddenly, I know what real pain.
They say that the most painful thing in the world is breaking your pelvis, and then childbirth (sometimes the same thing), and then its definitely getting rubberbands installed in your braces after getting your power chain put in after getting a new wire put in.
My lower jaw is being pushed (understatement) toward (and past) my upper jaw. It only took me about one attempted word for me to understand three things:
1. I would not ever be able to eat with these rubberbands in
2. I was almost completely unable to talk.
3. I had a total and complete overbite.
It was like Michelle Obama and Michael Phelps got together and had a baby.
It was like Kristin-Stewart-Determination-Face and Pain and Hate got together and decided to make my life a horrible thing.
I don't look like this: though, its in between regular-michelle and severe-overbite-michelle.
Its not even really like this, though sometimes I wish I could rock an underbite like Seth Rogan does.
This is the closest thing I could find. and its ironic for two reasons.
1. I'm a swimmer.
2. Back in the day, and by that I mean the 2004 summer olympics when my boy Michael was a wee rookie, Elise had a totally crush on him and it just so happened that I could do his underbite-smile really good, and she made me do it all the time.
If only back then I'd know the mess I was going to get in nearly eight years (oh em gee I'm old) later.
When I got back in the car after my torture session, I definitely shed a single tear out of each of my eyes about ten or more times.
So that's my story.
I'd rank it in Awesome somewhere between Brendan Fraser's profile picture on IMDb and Michael Aranda's story of how he got stuck in France.
Also there is nothing soft in this house..... great.
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