To be honest, I can't really believe I'm even getting paid for this. Every ten or twenty minutes or so someone does come by to ask me to do something, but other than that I can sit in here doing homework for three hours straight with, in total, much less actual distraction than if I was sitting in my room with food and a laptop at my fingertips. I'm not making much, true, but I am making something, and something is more than nothing, especially when I'm basically being paid to do my homework while intermittently meeting a lot of cool people and bringing beleaguered freshmen joy by informing them that they've received a package from home.
Note: someone just walked by the front desk wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled up and a fedora on over that. It's the little things.
My other topic I was thinking of writing on was the college experience. I attended UCM all last year feeling like I was missing out on some great thing because I wasn't getting the College Experience. I mean, I didn't particularly want to have the college experience at the time, but I knew that in years to come I would probably regret not taking advantage of these years by having crazy good times and being a kid while I still could.
This year, I am much more optimistic. Basically what I decided to do was not be lazy and not be a whiner about things because I kind of did a lot of that last year and I ended up not knowing anyone and having pity parties about my unsociability alone in my room.
So far it seems to be going swimmingly.
Another interesting thing is that I realized that not only are there people in the world who are less outgoing than me (crazy, I know), there are a lot of them and I didn't realize how many until I decided to not be so introverted. And I can let you in on a little secret about introverted people; it is incredibly, dauntingly difficult for us to make friends with anyone unless the other person actively pursues a relationship with us.
Sometimes it is not even a matter of being too shy to go meet people. A lot of introverted people, myself included, often feel like friendships that begin on a surface level won't be worth the effort in the long run, so why bother making friends in the first place? You might ask, well don't basically all friendships begin on the surface level? Well you would be right. But the introvert, being one to actively use statistics in favor of their own apathy, will assume that the majority of the friendships they make will not progress past that initial shallowness or last more than a few months or a schoolyear. So what's the point of starting?
What that variety of introvert needs, generally, is a person/people who will restore their faith in humanity enough that they actually want to take a risk (not that friendship is all that risky - again, many introverts are very irrational). So I decided to be the sort of person who can actively pursue friendships. Easier said than done of course, especially for someone like me, but I've made a start at least.
Now you know more about introverts than you ever wanted to know! After this, when you meet one you'll know what to do.
Here is what I had for dinner last night. I don't like going to the dining hall very often because it is loud and dirty from accommodating the unwashed masses of freshmen, but I do love the sandwiches they make there so it brings me back.
Amy
Introverts are such mysterious beings. And yet, I have not yet figured out if I'm an introvert or an extrovert because I seem to exist in the grey area between them and there are many days in which I feel shy and untalkative. Those are the days when I am mystified by myself. But most of the time, I live for human interaction, the more variety of it the merrier. Still, I would call myself a quiet extrovert, content to listen and just be in the presence of others. If I am alone for more than a few hours, my soul shrivels up and I lose the will to live.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I was curious by what you mean about moving beyond the surface level in a friendship. For some people that means being able to talk about how they feel about things. For other people, it's intellectual discussions and debates. A few people like to tell their stories and get into the details of life. Still others don't necessarily want to talk, just be comfortable enough with someone to do everything with them. So what about you?
Amy, you described this so well. I've thought the exact thing about myself. Kristin, I think what is meant by going beyond the shallow stage is getting past the stage where spending time with someone is so exhausting. For introverts (extreme ones, anyway), time with others is really taxing on all our resources, and it takes a lot for another person to reach a level of relationship with us where we feel refreshed rather than drained by them. Getting to that point takes so much time and effort though, that we like to weed out the unlikelies. It sounds so horribly conceited, but I think it's also true for introverts that if we DO pursue a relationship and help it to develop to that stage, then we're really committed to it and actually work to keep it growing. Would you agree, Amy?
ReplyDeleteThat's pretty much exactly what I meant. I think that, for me, getting past the surface level also means that I feel like I can have conversations or interaction with that person that go beyond just what we have in common. I mean most of my friendships begin by meeting people through a common interest and that's perfectly wonderful. But getting past that "surface" level, if you will, might mean making an effort to learn about and interact with that person beyond the interests they share with you. As someone who has an incredibly difficult time talking about her feelings, I guess the mark of a good friendship for me could also be being able to talk about how I feel with that friend. But honestly I don't like to do that with anyone.
ReplyDeleteKristin, I do have days when I get sick of being alone, but I am usually pretty content on my own for days at a time. That's why I always have to make a conscious effort to meet people and keep up with friends. Sometimes I think, "who needs friends anyway? I am an island" but thankfully I eventually remember how great it is to have people to talk to and be with, even if we're just talking about the day.