Dorky College Student

I am currently watching Breaking Dawn. I didn't really understand what Angela meant when she said that it was boring, but now that I'm here in this unhappy situation, I realize just how right she was. We're only about fifteen minutes in and my mind is already numbed. After the first few minutes I made the decision to make absolutely no comments on the movie except to remark on how much I love Seth and the three seconds of Justin Chon's screentime (two of those seconds were him lying on a huge pile of bloody dead people). My movie-watching comrade easily takes offense.

So earlier, I was cleaning my room like a good little college student, and I had my music on and I was dancing around like I usually do, you know, normal. Then someone knocked on my door.

You know when someone knocks on the door and you suddenly look at your situation and appearance objectively, and then realize that you look absolutely ridiculous? Well, this happens to me on a regular basis. I think I'm cool, then I realize what I must look like to everyone else.

Here is the general idea:

I mean, there isn't anything I like better than dancing in my room. But I think I should probably only dance alone.

Later - baby stuff happening, I am still bored. What I really want is like some action or something. I dunno. If they're just going to have this movie be hours of Edward and Bella gazing at each other in 1) love 2) YEAH LUST BABY, or 3) horror.

The music's pretty good though. At this point this is the only good thing I have to say about this movie.

-Amy

Dear Amy

Where Everything Is That I'm Doing Right Now (and then a cry for help)

I thought you would like an update, especially since you pretty much already know everything about me *smiley face*

SCHOOL: Well, you know, school is just one of those things, kind of like cleaning the dog or your room. You don't want to do it at all, and there is nothing enjoyable about doing it, but its the result that you want/need, and so that's why you just have to grit your teeth and do it. The only problem is, cleaning your room and cleaning the dog are things that take four hours, tops, and school takes....well. like twelve years. But I'm doing Algebra 2, and the farther I get the more I find myself thinking, "Every American is smart enough to do this?", lets just say, I've gained a lot of respect for our country.

DANCE: dancing is kind of like sleeping, or eating. Its not just that you want to sleep, you also want the result, which is, not being tired. Its not just that you want to eat, because eating is great, you want to be satisfied, because being satisfied, is also great. I think about dancing a lot, and I dance a lot, but what I do even more than dancing, is think about how depressed I am about how I'm not a very good dancer. It happens so much and its such a roller coaster between depression and victory, that I've decided that its just one of those things that you have to ignore and wait for it to pass. And what do I do while I'm waiting? Dance. Because the more I dance, the bigger the chance of me getting past being depressed about it, and the bigger the chance of me winning.

I realized that when I watch someone really talented dancing, I don't usually thing, "wow they're really talented I could never do that" (which is what I should probably be thinking), instead I think either, "they must have practiced that forever," or "I could do that." not in like a "pfft, I'm so talented I can do anything," way, but in a "If I try hard enough and spend enough time on it, I can figure it out." So its like I'm realizing that I think that its not all talent that makes someone a great dancer, but time and practice. And dance is one of the first things that I've ever wanted to spend time and practice on to get better at.

KOREAN: I don't know that many words, but I just learned 1-10, and by doing so I learned 1-100. So that's cool. The little square of Korean on my wall is now dedicated not just the alphabet but also,

- body parts (the only of which I know by heart are, eyes, shoulder, hand, fingers, lips, and arms)

- numbers (eel, ee, sam, sa, oh, yuk, chil, pal, goo, ship YEAYUH. One day to learn those. Imma winner. The way I managed that was I cut out little pictures of k-pop bands and I put their number over how many were in the band, so 1- jeremy, 2 - TVXQ, 3 - JYJ, 4 - 2NE1, 5 - Shinee, 6 - 2PM, 7 - Block B, 8 - Super Junior, 9 - Girls Generation, 10 - Super Junior. Everything is easier to learn when you get to stare at beautiful people.)

- clothing, ( I just put this up and the only one I know by heart is jacket. Which, in Korean, is jacket.)

- colors (A couple are pretty much the same, pink (ping-ku) white, (hu-white-uh), and orange (or-ang-ee)

- and simple words like hello, thank you, mother, father, sister, brother, excuse me, and such.

I will, soon, put up days of the week and emotions. Probably nouns, at some point, too.

In other news, I got the part as the Wardrobe in the play. The awesomeness/overwhelmingness of it hasn't hit me yet. I mean, I'm practically one of the main characters. I'm like in the top-ten biggest characters (not literally though. I'm the second literal biggest character, next to the beast, eh hehehe). Though, I must say, this is quite a great undertaking, I'm a mezzo soprano (second soprano) which is the nice way of saying, "you can't really sing the alto part or the soprano part." Just kidding...kind of. But anyway, shes an opera singer, so I really gotta work on the vocals and such. Also the lines, gotta work on those too.

And, like I said at the beginning of this post, I said something about a cry for help, and what I meant by that was,

You are an incredible pianist, and you, and you alone have the power to break my chains of enslavement, and set me freeee!

What I'm saying, all metaphors aside, is, mom said that if you teach me piano when you come home, I don't have to continue taking lessons from Mrs. Stern.

Now, I don't know if you realize what an opportunity this is (with my playing-by-ear skills and your play-by-the-music-like-a-BOSS skills combined, we can change the world!). I mean I don't think you know what its like taking lessons from Mrs. Stern.

I will share with you some golden quotes to enlighten you a little.

"Its not so much about having perfect notes..its about having perfect notes and rhythm, every time."

"You can play the Entertainer at the recital!" - her
"Oh, so I can play songs that I've learned before this year?" - me, thinking I could play my Beatles songs too. (keep in mind, I learned the Entertainer like three years ago)
"No." - her.

"*contradiction of some kind that I can't remember*" - her
"*asks what she means, since she contradicted herself*" - me
"*asks what I mean.*" - her
"*I explain the contradiction that she has just told me.*" - me.
"Ok....I've given you too much information." - her.

Just think, with out powers combined, we can learn both Wedding Dress AND Very Good Words! (already pretty much figured VGW out. I'll sing it to you with real tears next time I see you.)

Anyway. Think about it. Think, think about it.

-Michelle

The Fault in Our Stars

Dear Amy
There are a few parts to this blog post. Some of it is funny and some of it is serious and some if it is John Green.

The Relatively Funny Part:
So you showed me some songs the other day that I would like to think changed my definition of beat-tastic. I've found that I have become sick of the simple boom-clap-boom-clap that rules american pop as the singer wails about 'oh no she left me again' or 'oh yes we're gonna party tonight' or 'oh yes I love that girl' or 'oh i cheated but when I'm rich I'll give you material things to make you feel better about it, so please don't leave me.'

And I'm not saying that a lot of K-pop isn't boom-clap-boom-clap, but not knowing what they're saying really helps. I'm not the kind of person to listen to a song because I relate to it. The only song I've ever listened to because I related to it is Sexy and I Know It.

So what I'm saying is I can respect a song more when I'm not thinking, "oh my GOSH, I've heard these lyrics a billion times. 'somebody to love,' are you kidding me?"

I can definitely rock out more to a song when I'm not thinking, "oops he just cussed, oops he just cussed again." I don't listen to songs because I like what they're saying, I listen to them because I like the way the way they make me feel.

I don't know if this is how it is for you, Amy, but when I listen to an incredibly beat-tastic song for the first minute or thirty seconds of the song I'm just thinking, "wow. wow. wow. wow." and then I'm literally thinking about nothing but dancing. I feel like I need to express the way the song makes me feel and the only way for me to do that is not in words, but it movement.

So there are two songs that I listened to yesterday where I had the exact same thought process listening to them. The songs were "Love Ya" by SS501 and "Keep Your Head Down" by TVXQ. (also Digital Bounce, but that was a few days ago) Heres what I was thinking:
Someone needs to be doing acrobatics right now.


And here's what that means: almost nothing I can do can express how extremely and incredibly awesome this makes me feel.

The Serious Part:

I wait a lot to listen to k-pop and dance. The main reason I'm waiting is because I'm doing school. This semester I've kind of realized how hard school can be, and I don't mean challenging. I mean hard to make myself do without having some kind of breakdown because I can't stand how uninspiring and futile it is. Nothing that I want to obtain I am getting through school. Math mainly just makes me feel stupid, as I try to get my mind around concepts that are too confusing for me to understand, and therefore to profitless for me to care about.
In History I relearn things that I've learned a billion times, maybe in hopes that, for the kind of things you usually forget, "this time it will stick," and for things that you already know, "this time it will be drilled so hard into your adolescent brain that the foundation will shatter and you'll forget the difference between 'what actually happened,' and 'what my textbook thought I thought happened.'"
I'm still doing handwriting, since mom still wants to shape the kind of human I already am. Handwriting is just one of those things, you know?
I guess I'm just now realizing that the real challenge in school is not "remembering things just long enough to get a b on the test" but "remember to care enough to actually get a b on the test."

John Green:

Probably part of the reason I came to that conclusion is not because I'm a teenager and the I play the devils advocate and I have to disagree with everything everyone tells me, especially my parents; but because I'm reading a book about a girl with cancer and whenever it acknowledged that she was not going to school and just sleeping a lot and not really doing anything, I found myself thinking, "Doesn't she need to do something, so she can....you know...know how to do stuff when she grows up?" and then I realized two things:
1. She has cancer, and things like school and productiveness and doing-things-now-so-she-can-know-how-to-do-things-in-the-future, are not really relevant to her.
2. Do I really think that the only reason I do school and anything I don't want to so that I can do it later in life when my parents aren't around doing it for me?

And therein, I suppose, lies the problem. I guess I'm just now realizing that I'm just doing school to do school, not to learn about the Vietnam War and not to learn about distributing and factoring.

But on a happier note, I am reading a pretty incredible book by John Green called The Fault in Our Stars. Its funny and it makes you think about things, obviously. It also brings back my fear of having cancer. I'm really scared of getting cancer. I don't think its that irrational either.

But the book has some pretty incredible quotes, my favorite of which, I will leave you with:
"Look, let me just say it: he was hot. a nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy....well."

-Michelle