Friday, January 28, 2011

Why so woely?

Dear Amy.

I'm sorry you have to sit around for hours and hours. I sit around for hours and hours too, but I guess the difference is that I am doing school the whole time. eehehe.

Mom and dad are going to be gone tonight, so...yeah. We'll have a party and either watch Step Up 3 or Step Up 3 or Robin Hood (animated) or Step Up 3.

Twilight. Fanfiction. I can't even imagine anything worse. The only good kind of twilight fan fition is the whole book from Emmetts viewpoint (not in SM style of writing. That would ruin his whole character) Heres an excerpt of my Twilight from emmett. Instead of being called twilight, it will be called hunklight. Because he is a hunk.

"I grappled with a sea serpent today, and I won. Rosalie was cheering me on. She is beautiful. I drank the blood of the sea serpent then I taxadermied it myself. It is now in our room, where the bed should be. We don't have a bed because we don't sleep. Then I did weight lifting. I'm practicing on lifting bigger things every day. So I lifted weights. Then I lifted my family. Then I lifted the house with my family in it. Then I lifted Washington. If you want to be as strong as me the answer is...No. My hunkliness is unreachable. It is out of your reach. So just pretend like eating your greens will help your cause. Edward brought his girlfriend today. Shes clumsy but she is also funny. Rosalie doesn't like her, but I like her because shes unpredictable and she stutters and she is also annoying. Her and Edward are perfect for each other. They are cheesy together, which makes me laugh a big hearty laugh that makes everyone happy. Then I show off my biceps which makes everyone even more happy. Rosalie doesn't like Bella so sometimes we move away and pretend we're in college or married or something. You don't have to pretend that my name isn't awesome because it is. Its the name of a namean lion that I defeated one day. I'm going to go eat a orangcicle."

Did you like it? I like it. I started reading more New Moon today, and I'm writing a good amount of notes. Like notes about how kissing descriptions are bad form in the first 20 pages. Or how they're bad form period. Then I wrote about how Bella can tell the future from kissing. She is not cool.

Its annoys me. I hate SM's writing style. It is horrible.

Amy you don't just have to sit around and do nothing, you can sit around and do something. Like talk to people. Do you know how to do that? Heres how you do it.

A. Someone comes and sits next to you.
B. You say hi.
C. Depending on how enthusiastic their reply is,
1. If its really enthusiastic you are now free to compliment them on something that stands out to you.
2. If they aren't enthusiastic you can go back to what you are doing
D. Then after you've complimented them they will say thank you
E. You can ask them where they got whatever it is you complimented them on
F. You can talk about the store.

If you want to flirt thats a little different, and I can't coach you on something like that because every conversation is different, but the bottom line of flirting is :play hard to get and pretend like you care.

Pretend like you care that hes hitting on you and pretend like you care that his trig 9 class is hard. Pretend like you care about his life. Its not that hard.

Isn't it awesome how I have so much experience and I can coach you on stuff like this?

If you were my age, it would go more like this. (not flirting, keep in mind)

A. Say hi
B. They reply.
C. You start a conversation about really anything (How cold you are, how you like their hair style, how the carpet makes you want to puke. Generally anything that is on your mind is acceptable)
D. You talk for like 5 minutes
E. Then you ask their name.
F. Now you are free to joke and laugh.
G. You have now past the point of when you see them again you can sit down and start a comfortable conversation.

That might be how it works for college kids too, I don't know.

But if you were flirting, who knows what the conversation would go like, because everyone who is my age sucks at flirting (Like those girls that steal their crushes jackets and stuff, or hit their crush or something really annoying like that). Except for me, of course.


Having trouble with poems?

Heres some advice. Write a poem about what you're thinking about. The funnier the better, because chances are the poem isn't going to work absolutely perfectly, and if its funny, people will think that you thought it through and meant for it to be sub-par.

Rhyme. Always rhyme. Poems that don't rhyme are the dumbest thing. Emo poems are dumb too.

Here I can write you a poem about how emo poems are dumb.

Some people like to be super emotional.
They like to let you know whats in their soul.
But thats so totally dumb,
those poems are for bums.

Tada. Its not very hard. Or you can rewrite a story, like my Percy Jackson poem.

If you are going to have it not rhyme, its best if its a rant, like my rant about Bsafe.

I might have to come to your school with you, like in your bag, and help you with stuff like talking to people and writing poems, and forming a good argument against twilight and twilight fanfic (heres my argument against it: Twilight is dumb. The characters are not strong and they are whiny and un-independant. Except for Emmett. The kissing descriptions are enough to kill a man, --when I say man I mean mankind -- and the story has as many holes as my sock monkey would if I let Ebony anywhere near it. It has as many holes as those dumb blankets that people crochet all the time. It has as many holes as Emmetts tight polo shirts to the power of ten with a popped collar. -- Emmett is totally one of those people who can pull off popped collars. He may be the only person who can pull them off).

I might just have to write you a book of all the stuff you need to know when you go to college. I don't know what you're going to do when you don't have me to coach you on the weekends.

-Michelle

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